I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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