she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
