Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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