i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
