return my video game
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
