I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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