Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
