Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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