I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
