woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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