I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
