I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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