super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
