i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
