I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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