HIV tests are more positive than that guy
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
