yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
