I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
