I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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