I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
