I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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