Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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