fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
