My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
