Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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