Moan for me like Helen Keller
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
