i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
