So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
