it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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