My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
