I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
