3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
