On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
