I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
