Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Congratulations! We have a period
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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