You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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