Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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