somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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