My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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