and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Damn victory sex feels great
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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