Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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