Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
