I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
