All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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