oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
