I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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