the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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