Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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