is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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