you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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