now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
