I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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