she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
