I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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